Saturday, April 1, 2017

The Fool

It's crisp and cool. I hug my arms tighter around me, this first spring day. There's still the chill of winter, the tiny grasses pushing their way thru dripping and melting snow. Tiny alpine flowers catch in the fresh breezes and I glance up to see I am surrounded by blue, snow capped mountain peaks. I stand in this great expanse. The mountains don't tower over me because I am walking upon one them. In between them the valley drops so far below and my heart catches a bit in my chest to feel how high I am.

I walk a tender path and barely one at that, littered with remnants of snow and ice and I feel poorly dressed for this day. My gown is thin and sheer. I feel the damp coolness deeply even though the sun shines. Mists and clouds are even with my hands and I reach to touch the filmy haze. Still, brightness fills this place. A sense of anticipation that far outweighs that pale sun tremors thru my thin frame. I clutch my thin gown closer to my shivering body.

I take one tentative step and then another. There is no memory of how I have come to this far off and lofty place. ...another step. I don't remember before and I only take in the now. Although such magnificence surrounds me, my eyes remain cast down and noticing the tiny plant beings that begin to grow and stretch in this spring that has dawned. I notice small pink flowers and dainty bluebells and fresh shoots of grass. All is tiny and delicately adorned. I smile gently to see such stubborn growth in this almost harsh but magnificent place.

Caught in my reverie, I realize there is a jaunty whistling in the air and finally I raise my eyes. I notice a man, brightly dressed and almost seeming to dance towards me on this path. He reminds me of a leprechaun and I smile to watch his confident walk and happy demeanor.

His clothes are fine and his shoes and leggings remind me of many days gone by. Bright golds and reds and something green. He is ornate and old fashioned. But somehow his vitality makes it hard to look at anything else and he is the brightest part of my vision in these stunning mountains. "Ho there" he seems to call and question in one phrase. I smile and reach out my hand to span this magnificent scenery. "Isn't it lovely, this first day of spring?" I call, my smile belying the reticence I feel.

He seems less interested in me though and more intent on this journey he is set upon. He barely answers except for a huge smile gracing his amiable face. "Follow me, if you wish?" and he passes me and continues down the path which I now realize is headed straight over the edge of this mountain precipice we stand on. I think to grab him back and protect him. But he is not bent on any sort of destruction. His face and his body are filled with life and delight and so much bright energy. But before I can do anything, I notice a small terrier barking noisily at his heels and the man reaches over to scoop up the dog, laughing at him all the while. "Calm, Spartacus, calm..." he reassures the small dog and then turns again to the air that fills the space before him.

"There's nothing there sir", I call, seeing his intent to walk over the edge.

"O but my dearie, there is...don't you see that path that is made in the clouds before us?" And truly, as my gaze turns, I see each cloud like a stepping stone across the expanse of valley before us. There is a way of sorts chained in between these great mountains, and my mouth rounds to see it.

And as I stare, all of this falls away and I notice the landscape changing drastically. I am alone now and the sky has darkened. The sea rages beneath me and I stand on a tall stone cliff feeling myself destined to fall. Although the vertigo rises up to engulf me, I feel no fear. I only know the exhilaration of all that is to come and I already feel the surge in my being and the initial step and the plummeting that raises my core into my throat. All around me gray clouds roll and spill over each other in an almost angry dance. The sea below crashes in white wave upon white wave over a dark blue expanse.

And I am heady with the knowledge of surrendering to the deep pull and magic of the dark waters below. I know I will not come undone and I will cocoon myself as I submerge and I will know the world underwater as I haven't known it before and I will live and breath and find my being in that place.

And truly as I fall, the water catches me, surprisingly warm and folding over me in deep embrace. I feel myself covered and safe. I swim gracefully, growing a tail where once I had legs and breathing through my mouth as if I had sprouted gills. I feel as if I have become of the merfolk. I am free but supported. My body feels no weight any longer. Deep blue and shades of white and lighter blue swirl around me. This dance of the sea is more beautiful than anything I have experienced before. She waltzes and tugs and pulls and carries and enfolds. Tiny bubbles of the purest form float by me and tickle my arms and I giggle this soft underwater sound. Bubbles that sparkle and catch at the sun so far above. I am warm and safe and this is the world I know beyond the other.

Tiny creatures share this dance with me, ebbing and flowing and swimming with the tides and currents. I reach to touch soft membranes and shimmering jellyfish. Tentacles twist and twirl in this darkened light. I am fascinated and rendered calm and floating.

These visions fold on top of one another seeming almost to fall upon me in rapid succession. I am powerless to stop their path forward.

I recede from the stirring and vibrant visions, now finding myself in the dark of a womb of cultivation, of inner knowing. No longer do I see with my eyes. It is here that I see the zero so clearly from the card. Zero, expanding stretching - it is a circle, it is a cup, it is a holding of sorts. And I feel the dawning of realization and the knowing of how much zero can hold. Zero holds infinity and from nothing comes all that ever was and ever will be. Zero can not be placed in a pattern. Zero is the cup I now hold and which holds me and into which I can put everything and nothing. Zero is the cosmic egg that holds the universe and all potential that surrounds and stretches out into the beyond. All is possible. At first I was formless and void and darkness covered me. But now I will be reborn into infinity. And the egg cracks as I push against this unseen wall.

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