Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Moon

Inky darkness settles in around me, so deeply I can almost taste it. With that settling comes an apprehension that seems to rise like so many mists in dark trailing spirals. I close my eyes and feel cool breezes tugging at me and slowly I cross my arms over my heart. My body seems to be rocking and swaying and as I open my eyes ever so little, I realize I am in a rough wooden row boat crudely constructed of beams and planks. I rest my hand against the side and feel the threatening of splinters and pain. The boat pitches and rises in that moment and I feel my stomach lurch with it. Waves lap at the sides of the boat and I am now aware of a scratching at the sides. My heart clenches in fear of the unknown.

I bravely raise my eyes from the bottom of the rough hewn boat and notice how dark it truly is. I know there is water all around me but it is hard to see much beyond the murky shadows. I turn my head to the right and notice far in the distance, the steady light of the moon shines. I find myself drawn to her light and my gaze refuses to break with hers. Shining, shining and as I gaze, I realize the light seems so much stronger than this darkness. Still prickles of fear touch at my skin and I glance around me again finding the moonlight shimmers ever so slightly on the black waters. There are no stars. Only that steady beam. And as I follow the beam out again, I notice I am not far from shore. Indeed I seem to be traveling towards the blackened edge of this body of water. I watch it come closer and closer, still aware of those clawing sounds, still afraid to leave this tiny place of seeming refuge, this rough and painfully constructed boat.

I feel a sharp tug and then my boat seems to stand still. The scratching stops and the small waves seem to beckon with their gentle sounds. I tentatively reach a hand out of the boat and feel the water, almost warm to my fingertips. I realize I am meant to go ashore and I stand carefully finding my balance in the unstable boat. One step and then another, and I am knee deep in this strange dark water. I slosh ashore and gratefully find the rocky solidness under my feet a comfort. I glance again at the moon and realize there is some sort of path before me. The way is faint and littered with tiny sharp shards of rock. I am bare foot, I realize and I know the way will bruise and scar my feet.

Still, I take one step, and then another and suddenly I start to realize there is a beautiful white wolf at my side. I glance into her eyes which seem lit from inside. They are pools of deep blue in this moonlit night. She simply stares back into my own eyes and I sense she is there to guide me. Indeed I hear this calming melodious tone that comforts me even though her mouth has not moved. I place my hand on her smooth fur that reflects the moonlight perfectly. She almost glows and we begin again this path that seems to pull me forward so intuitively. And now I am aware of something dark and shadowy to my left. I am almost afraid to look. But when I do, it is the darkened form of a dog. Her eyes glow yellow and I start at their reflection of my fear. I push closer to the wolf, having found a comfort there.

But the dog means me no harm. I watch as she clings to the shadows and ever so slightly behind me. And we continue on, this strange trio in the moonlight. One step and then another and now I realize there are shadowy mists have started curling and swaying and spiraling around me. I watch in fascination until one of the mists seems to grow eyes. I jump and my heart races. Still another gains a hand and then a foot seems to trip me as I stumble forward in the dark. Suddenly it seems we are surrounded by these ghostly creatures and the light of the moon seems more faint thru their gossamer flight.

I push on, my heart pounding, my feet bleeding and aching. It seems this is a journey of madness and I am only traveling closer to my undoing. I wonder if the path will ever end as it seems I have not traveled any closer to my destination. And I wonder what my destination is. My mind seems muddled and disturbed.

Just when I fear I cannot take another step, I find myself in front of the face of the moon. Her eyes are watching and still and her mouth curves in silent observation. She speaks much without any words to hear. Still my heart feels a comfort and I reach my hand to touch yellowish white beauty and feel the light cool under my fingertips.

Then in one screeching moment, I realize I have lost all ability to perceive anything sensory. My heart races but I can't feel it. My eyes are sightless and all is dark. My ears hear nothing and I am only aware of the vacuum I suddenly find myself in. All is black and I stand on nothing but darkness. I begin to panic. I raise my hands to cover my ears but I don't feel my arms moving. Everything is deafening in the utter silence and lack of feeling. And then I hear the words, Look within...and I lower my head and look deep into my belly. My head is bowed to my chest and I notice inside of my naval a picture begins to grow, of green fields and verdant trees and a bright and golden path which starts with the sun upon it and warmth that I can feel even as I observe. I am at once aware of this darkness in which I stand and the deep glowing that comes from my belly. They stand in stark contrast. I fully look up and again I am assaulted by this utter blackness and terror and sensory deprivation. Quickly I bow my head again to look inside of my belly and I know that I must look this way to see how to walk. I realize I am now stepping this path and I am aware of both realities, the one above my head and the one inside myself.

"The path lies inside of you. The path lies inside of you, the path lies inside of you." These words fill my soul and emanate thru my entire being, reverberating and echoing and vibrating until it is all I am aware of. Racing away and I see the image pull from me as if it were a vortex swirling and I was the center, away away, and now I am laying here again, clutching the moon card to my quaking chest.

1 comment:

  1. Incredible, beautiful, soulful writing. I feel I was taken on a mysterious journey into another world. I am looking forward to reading more of your writing.��